Saturday, March 8, 2008

I will pause for a moment and think of me, people around me, and Him...

I just realise that I cant make any decision when needed, and I seems to be afraid of things I should not be afraid of.. but He said, we need not be afraid because He is with us all the way...

today He spoke to me, to take a breath and think of things I have done.. and I realide that I need to think more of Him, of what He has done in my life..

today, I state that I did not break my dreams, the answer of my prayer has come..I am better and stronger than birds.. I can and willing to built up my dreams and fly again.. this time, I will not fall..

I know he stays beside me during my downfall or rise, and He is going to do so... For all my mistake, forgive me,, and for all that I cant do by my self, or even things that I can do by my self, lead me through it..

remind me for all the wrong way that I had gone through, especially my conduct towards others,and help me to solve my doubt and help me make wiser decision.. and not cry for all unexpected things...

and above all, let me see and feel the glory of yours...

080308100

Friday, February 29, 2008

in between...

Today, I learned something new.. that life, is not just about studying.... University, is not just about GPA... but, should I pursue my innate interest, to chase back the 'drama queen' throne?? should I sacrifice my future bloody GPA...?

there are people who are clever, yet pursuing their own interest... yes, there are.... But, can I be one of them? I cant help staring my eyes over the stage, feeling the willingness to be there... I can see what I could do better on...

but then, I doubt my step.... there is a barrier to entry that myself created... If only I did not fall... If only life is not just 24 hours... then and there, I would see myself as a girl that I wanted.... now the choice is here.... which dream should I pursue, drama queen? or simply GPA princess...

but, what is successfull in my eyes? Graduated from my university with a gratious GPA but fill my days with studying and studiying, and envy those who are in stage? or, just pursue a normal GPA and give my self a little time to pursue my interest but then get stressfull because of my GPA is dropping? ......

I dont know, its just a choice... I am willing to sacrifice somethings in my life, but my heart and my logic always confront.. I wanted to be what I want to be, but things around chasing me... Pride, peers, interests, friends, loneliness... what?

am I being myself? or am I just a little princess who is hiding behind my anger?

what?! anger of my self, that I cant cope with anymore, that falls unto others?!? no...
this is not what I wanted to be...

please, let me repeat my days in University, the time before my fall... the days before my change... oh yes, I am not the sweet little princess that u dreamed of anymore my dear... I'm sick.. I just cant tell u, but yes, I am....

oh no... can anyone show me a way back to my REAL life????????

Monday, February 11, 2008

But even Princesses fall...

Again, I wish I could be an angel... Or, If I were an angel, now my wings are a bit broken... For the failure in comms... and the terrible sickness that relentlessly driven me crazy...I know that there's something wrong.. but I just cant escape...

Another tiring day... again I feel that, one more day has gone... I dunno whether I did something that meant to someone or for my self either... hoping a lot for help in one side, and hoping to be a leader for my self and perhaps others... hoping to be seen as a great girl... or at least as what I was...

I am suffering in my deep research on how I could be my previous image... the great winner, the great hard working gal, the confident speaker, the leader, the great drama player... and most importantly, the lovely princess...

it is not that I went on stupid already, it's just that... I dunno how to suffer... I also dunno who initally took my spirit and my talents... I dunno....

I know that I must quickly wake up from my long lasting Sleeping Beauty's sleep... but... when I woke up, I already lost my direction.. it seems like, it's not my time anymore... Nobody knows who I was, except my prince charming...

the question is, can I be a STAR again? yes I do...
Do I believe I can do so? I still doubt....


~flawless~ 1202200280154